About

This famous author of fantasy novels lives almost completely undisturbed in his New Mexico home, writing his books and mercilessly killing characters that everyone knows and loves. You also won't find another human alive who's more obsessed with wieners, or "wennies", than George R. R. Martin - and he prefers the floppy and gay ones, since they're non-threatening, according to Butters Stotch. He also prefers riding horses to other modes of transportation for similarly phallic reasons. He makes a rare public appearance at the South Park Mall where his obsession becomes his downfall as a shopper kills him for exposing himself to them all for a poem. He has a habit of promising things that haven't arrived yet but don't worry, they're coming, they're on their way.

Memorable Quotes

• "They're coming, they're on their way!" (A Song of Ass and Fire)
• "Look at this wiener. Judge it by its size? Rub it three times and it has a surprise." (Titties and Dragons)

Featured Episodes

• A Song of Ass and Fire (s17e08)
• Titties and Dragons (s17e09)

Behind The Scenes

• When asked about his character in South Park, the real George R. R. Martin said: "I’ve been told [my] character in South Park is obsessed with weenies. I have to deny this as a scurrilous rumor. I have nothing against weenies, weenies are fine. But I am not obsessed with weenies. I am definitely on the boobies side of the equation. Boobies, not weenies."