Story

Description

When PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) protests the use of a cow (Mooey) for South Park Elementary's mascot, the search begins for a less-controversial school symbol. The kids get to vote, but they really hate the lame choices offered by the school. Instead they plan to nominate and elect a "joke" candidate. But they can't decide between Kyle's favorite, a giant douche, and Cartman's choice, a turd sandwich.

Stan sees the entire exercise of picking between a douche and a turd as pointless and idiotic, and vows to sit out the election. His friends are stunned that Stan wouldn't participate in the democratic process -- particularly Kyle, who calls in P Diddy to help his friend see the light. Puff Daddy does this using his "Vote or Die" campaign -- basically, if Stan doesn't vote, he'll kill him.

To avoid being shot, Stan casts a ballot for Turd Sandwich, which angers Kyle. Stan realizes his friend only wanted him to vote because he figured he would back his side. Once again, Stan withdraws from the balloting -- an offense so great that he gets banished from South Park for eternity or until he decides voting matters. He's tied up, placed on the back of a horse, and run out of town in disgrace.

His horse wanders on and on, eventually ending up at a PETA commune. Here, we see that the PETA members have been living in "perfect harmony" with the animals -- and by perfect harmony, they mean interbreeding and marrying their animal companions. Not surprisingly, Stan doesn't fit in here either. While he's there however, one of the camp's leaders helpfully explains the political process to him, stating that all such elections are between douches and turds, because those are the only types of people who can make it in politics.

Puff Daddy and his posse show up to kill Stan. But upon seeing Puffy's flamboyant fur coat, the PETA members throw red paint on him -- so he kills them instead. Stan escapes in the confusion, returns to South Park, and is welcomed back as a voter.

With all eyes upon him, he casts his vote for Turd Sandwich -- which is soundly beaten, 1,410 to 36. Even worse, Mr. Garrison announces that since the PETA people are all dead, the cow mascot can now remain in effect. Turns out, his vote really didn't matter.

What I Learned Today

"I learned that I'd better get used to having to pick between a Douche and a Turd Sandwich because it's usually the choice I'll have." Stan

Memorable Quotes

• "Turd sandwich is not only the first turd to be nominated school mascot, but even the first sandwich." Butters
• "I thought I told you vote or die, bitch!" P Diddy
• "The outside world looks down on a man marrying a llama, but our love knows no boundaries." PETA Member
• "It's Mooey! Mooey wave to me!!" Butters
• "Oh Jesus, not PETA again." Mr. Garrison
• "God damnit you guys, Butters is our friend and he should be allowed to say his opinion!" Cartman
• "We've got spirit, yes we do! Giant douches me and you!! Let's GOOOO douches!!" Giant Douche Mascot
• "We've got spirit, yes we do! We are sandwiches filled with poo! YEAA!!" Turd Sandwich Mascot
• "A vote for Turd Sandwich is a vote for tomorrow." Cartman
• "We have got to make Stan understand the importance of voting because he'll definitely vote for our guy." Kyle
• "I like it when you vote, bitch. Shake them titties when you vote, bitch." P Diddy's "Vote or Die" song
• "This is breaking your mother's heart, Stan. She couldn't even help tie you to the horse." Randy
• "YOU'RE a turd sandwich!" Turd Sandwich

Characters

Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski

Eric Cartman

Kenny McCormick

Butters Stotch

Clyde Donovan

Randy Marsh

Sharon Marsh

Mr. Garrison

Jim Lehrer

Character Debuts

A whole crew of hippie, animal-loving PETA members make their debut, including the PETA Leader, his wife Janice (a llama), and their all-knowing chief Dr. Cornwallis (a mountain goat). On their compoud, we also briefly meet a hideous, ostrich-human hybrid, the result of a sexual union between an ostrich and a PETA member. Lastly, we are introduced to several potential mascots: Turd Sandwich, Giant Douche, and Mooey, the South Park Cow's original school mascot.

P Diddy

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

Giant Douche

Turd Sandwich

Mooey

Ostrich-Human Hybrid Child

Dr. Cornwallis

Mandy

Janice llama

Teresa llama

Body Count

The entire South Park membership of PETA, gunned down by Puff Daddy and his entourage.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

Locations

PETA Compound

South Park Elementary

Original Songs

Puffy and his crew show us the importance of voting with their very persuasive rap "Vote or Die." There's also the gritty rock anthem "Let's Get Out and Vote."

Behind The Scenes

Where Did The Idea Come From

This is the first episode of the second half of the season, and the final leg of what Matt and Trey call their year from hell. They did the first half of South Park's season eight, then immediately began working on the movie Team America: World Police. As soon as that was in the bag, they started in on the back half of this season -- of which "Douche and Turd" was the first episode..

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

The scene in which Stan is ridden out of town on a horse is yet another parody of a Mel Gibson movie. There was a similar scene in 1985's Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. The Giant Douche mascot comes out and dances to 2 Unlimited's "Get Ready For This," while Turd Sandwich grooves out to "Who Let The Dogs Out" by Baha Men. The entire episode is a commentary on the 2004 presidential election, and elections in general. As Stan learns, "nearly every election is between some douche and some turd." In case you hadn't realized, Bush is the turd sandwich and John Kerry is the douche.

Pwn'd

Puff Daddy, who seems to take his "Vote or Die" slogan waaaay too seriously. He will again be referenced in the Season 13 classic "Fishsticks." Also, Jim Lehrer is called in to monitor a debate between Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich.

Bonus Factoids

Pointless Observations

Mr. Garrison states that South Park Elementary has been attacked 47 times by eco-terrorists. Butters dresses up like a Hula Girl to help promote his candidate Turd Sandwich; he will again put on a dress for his role in "Marjorine" . When the town banishes Stan, Butters' dad is yet again shown blowing a large horn as the child exits the town -- he first did this in "Child Abduction Is Not Funny" , when the parents sent off all of South Park's children to live outside their great wall.

Season 8

e1 Good Times With Weapons

e2 AWESOM-O

e3 Up the Down Steroid

e4 The Passion of the Jew

e5 You Got F'd in the A

e6 Goobacks

e7 The Jeffersons

e8 Douche and Turd

e9 Something Wall Mart This Way Comes

e10 Pre-School

e11 Quest for Ratings

e12 Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset

e13 Cartman's Incredible Gift

e14 Woodland Critter Christmas