Story

Description

It's almost the year 2000, and Cartman is very excited for reasons that have nothing to do with Y2K. He's bleeding from his anus, and convinced he's getting his period, thus entering puberty. However, the news reported (Which Cartman was unaware of) that children are bleeding from their colon and that it can be treated with antibiotics. The other boys are horrified to think that Cartman is the first of them to hit maturity, and start watching for their own "periods." However, the bleeding is actually caused by a viral infection. Kenny promptly contracts it, while Kyle simply lies about having it. The three form a post-puberty "clique," excluding Stan, who in desperation overdoses on growth hormones supplied by Dr. Mephesto. He promptly develops a beard, a lower voice, and breasts.

Meanwhile, the approach of the new millennium makes Jesus hugely popular. His followers demand some sort of sign, so he decides to organize a huge Las Vegas concert featuring Rod Stewart. Unfortunately his followers also expect God to appear, and when he doesn't (and Stewart proves a bust) they prepare to crucify Jesus again. Jesus, horrified, realizes he let his newfound fame go to his head.

God, apparently satisfied that his son learned his lesson, then descends from heaven and reveals himself to the astonished crowd. His true visage, it seems, is that of a three-foot-tall hippopotamus thingy. God allows his followers to ask him only one question. While the adults debate what they want to know, Stan asks why he doesn't have his period yet. God says it's because he's a boy, and that his friends don't have them either, only girls do. Then God ascends back up to heaven, promising to answer another question in the next 2000 years.

The final credits roll over what sounds like Stan being lynched by the crowd.

What I Learned Today

"I was overcome with my new popularity and I let pride get in the way of good judgment."

Memorable Quotes

• "There comes a time in every child's life when they grow up, and nature starts to take its course by having you bleed out your ass for a few days a month." Cartman
• "As we all know, if Jesus comes out of his house and is not scared by his shadow, it means the next thousand years will be full of peace and love." (Newscaster)
• "Yea, like John Travolta before you, you are experiencing a second revival." (God speaking to Jesus)
• "I'm 2,000 years old but I feel like I'm 28 again." Jesus Christ
• "Pooped my pants." Rod Stewart
• "I was just hanging out in my room and then I perioded all over the place." Kyle
• "I'm just here to tell you that my puberty is gonna be bigger than any of you guys!" Stan
• "Whoa, dude. I've got boobs." Stan
• "You will hit puberty when the time is right, but you will never have a period because you are a man with titties." God

Characters

JESUS

Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski

Kenny McCormick

Eric Cartman

Randy Marsh

Sharon Marsh

Mrs. McCormick

Stuart McCormick

Herbert Garrison

Gerald Broflovski

Jerome "Chef" McElroy

Dr. Alphonse Mephesto

Mr. Mackey

Ike Broflovski

Jimbo Kern

Father Maxi

Rod Stewart

Character Debuts

God, a furry half-cat, half-hippo looking being with crooked teeth and a booming voice

God

Body Count

Kenny, when a tampon he crammed up his butt causes him to "burst from the inside out like a ruptured septic tank."

Locations

Al's Pharmacy

Original Songs

Chef teaches Stan about the joys of womanhood with his exploratory jam "The Menstrual Cycle". Also, Rod Stewart rocks out to the mostly unintelligible "Poop'd 'Em".

Behind The Scenes

There was much discussion as to what God, who reveals himself to the faithful during this episode's climactic scene, should look like. After several long, theology-laden discussions, it was decided to make him look "sort of like a midget hippopotamus, lizard thing."

Where Did The Idea Come From

Originally, Season 3 was set to end with Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics, the episode prior to Are You There, God? It's me Jesus. However, Comedy Central wanted South Park to do a millennium show because every other show was airing Y2K episodes. So they did.

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

The episode's title is a reference to the Judy Blume novel called Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. This is also referenced in "Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson".

Cartman says his mom gave him the book "Women Who Run With the Wolves", a best selling novel by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. He uses the book to help find out about his inner Goddess powers.

Stan closes out the episode with his a capella version of "Auld Lang Syne", but is attacked by an angry mob before he can finish it.

Cartman considers over several different products to use for his "period," including items called Winged Span, Plug-ups, Breeze, Cotton Cork, and Beaver Dam.

Pwn'd

Rod Stewart, portrayed as a senile, liver-spotted, wheelchair-bound has-been.

Dr. Doctor vows to get to the bottom of this tampon-in-the-butt craze that killed Kenny, sighting that "Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass because they've seen The Backstreet Boys doing it on TV."

Bonus Factoids

Pointless Observations

In news shots of people around the world partying (actually, rioting) before Y2K, one briefly glimpses the Paris caf where the Jakovasaurs were dumped. Jakov is still there, furiously is waving his arms. Also Jesus has a picture of himself and Santa Clause singing together from "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics".

Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman all gather for their "period meeting" in Cartman's big, crappy clubhouse (aka Ewok Village 2000). He and Kenny built this in "Clubhouses".

Season 3

e1 Rainforest Shmainforest

e2 Spontaneous Combustion

e3 The Succubus

e4 Tweek Vs. Craig

e5 Jakovasaurs

e6 Sexual Harassment Panda

e7 Cat Orgy

e8 Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub

e9 Jewbilee

e10 Chinpokomon

e11 Starvin' Marvin in Space

e12 Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery

e13 Hooked on Monkey Fonics

e14 The Red Badge of Gayness

e15 Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics

e16 Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus

e17 World Wide Recorder Concert